Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
