i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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