Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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