You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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