the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
