We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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