...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
