Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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