We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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