she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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