If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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