Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
