o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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