i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
