Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
