yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
