Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
