I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
