I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
