and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
