you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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