I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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