Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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