I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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