I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
