I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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