Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
