he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
