even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize