So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
