operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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