Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
