Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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