Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
