The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
