i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
