What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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