I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
