Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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