I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
