Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
