you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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