im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
