last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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