never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
