Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize