Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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