they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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