Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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