my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
