dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize