I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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