You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
