You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize