OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
