It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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