You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
