I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
