No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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