Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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