Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
