I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
