I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
