ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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