I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
